Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
