you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
