Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wear drunk well.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
