just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
