awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
