we have pet lesbian snakes
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
