sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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