If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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