five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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