Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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