a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize