worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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