So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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