Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
