hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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