The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
