So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
