Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
