i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
