Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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