There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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