you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Terrible idea I love it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
