ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
