and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
