hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
