i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
