Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
