He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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