Your tits are I can't wait for
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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