walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
