I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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