Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
