White coat. Heels.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's rum buckets o'clock
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
