I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
