This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
