Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
