so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
