the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
