11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
