The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My balls are so social today.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
