Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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