she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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