Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So vagazzling was a success
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
