i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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