it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
