I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
