I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it was like eating out sand paper
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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