i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
