Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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