Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
