the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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