dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
