feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
