I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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