I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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