So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
