my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Pooping to opera.
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