Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize