I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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