I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm getting married
To pizza
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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