My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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