My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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