I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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