I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
