last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
