Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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