exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
