I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
