Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
