I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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