Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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