I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
