Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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