he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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